Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
