im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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