don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
