cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
