News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
