its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
