So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
