So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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