I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
