dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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