i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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