I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
