I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
