there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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