fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
