haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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