Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
