I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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