I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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