3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
