At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
