Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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