I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think a kid would responsible me up
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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