Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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