My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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