If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't think brook has ever known best
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
