Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
