She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
