btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
