this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize