I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
