Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
