just come out here and I will go home with you...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
