i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize