I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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