I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
