if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
