where am i from again
Say something about gay babies.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize