she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
