It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
