I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
