She went from zero to smokin in five shots
only if we run a train.
done.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
