i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
