You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize