Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
