He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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