Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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(315): View more from New York

my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?

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(480): View more from Arizona

Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?

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(410): View more from Maryland

We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.

(1-410): View more from Maryland

I hope you meant gum...

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(406): View more from Montana

I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.

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(503): View more from Oregon

do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?

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(310): View more from California

Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing

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(314): View more from Missouri

He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.

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