This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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