I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We need to get me chipped asap
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
