totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
