he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
