We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
