My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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