I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
