My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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