Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize