for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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