I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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