She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
