it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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