never play flip cup with pint glasses
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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