I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
