I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
