Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
