It's Friday. Sex?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
