He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize