Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
