i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
