Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
