I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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