I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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