he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
